Christine in Managua: ¡Aprovecha!

Originally I had not planned to write another blog entry until I became more settled into my work routine, but I was overcome with a sudden urge today to write, most likely due to the need to process some of my thoughts from the past few weeks. My previous entries have mostly been a rundown of events that occurred or things that I’ve done here, but I feel like I’m moving past that a bit after being here for almost two months.

Just to give a general overview of my experiences since I’ve been here in Nicaragua, I can sum up my emotions for the most part in a few words: fulfilled, hopeful and grateful. It may seem a bit premature to judge my experiences in this way, because the vast majority of the goings-on and observations of life here are still incredibly new and fresh, and it is natural to think that it is only appropriate to process these things after familiarity and growth have added their wisdom. Undoubtedly, my ideas will change—as will their effects—as time goes on and we become more accustomed to life here, but these beginning emotions, feelings, and perceptions are, in my mind, just as important and telling. Granted, none of us new JVs have become very close with our neighbors or those we work with yet, nor have we developed an intimacy with the details of Nicaraguan life that allows those who have been here longer to appreciate the loves, struggles and hopes of being a JV in Nicaragua; however, I do believe that this supposed lack of experience makes the emotions and appreciation of new JVs for the life and the people here even more profound. We have not fallen in love with Nicaragua yet, so we optimistically appreciate the beauties of the country for what it gives us each day and what it has to teach us. We have not been here long enough to have close Nicaraguan friends, but for this we are more humbled by the generosity of those we meet and more grateful for those that allow us to enter their lives. We have yet to experience the joy of comforting familiarity with our surroundings, or the deep feeling of “home” in our neighborhood and at work, but we have the truly thrilling opportunity to encounter the new and surprising every day, and the unique blessing it is to be in the active process of getting to know and forming deeper relationships with others, whether they be strangers on the street or the members of our JV community. On a different level than our more experienced companions, each day offers us new chances for discovery and immersion into the unknown. We are spending countless frenzied, frustrating, and humbling moments learning and adjusting—making mistakes speaking Spanish, frantically trying to remember names, memorizing bus routes and how to get to where we need to go, doing what we can to not to get overcharged at the market, negotiating work schedules and responsibilities, all the while doing our best not to look too much like lost gringos or to put too heavy of a burden on our gracious second year volunteers—this may all seem disheartening, but what a truly profound joy each moment is! How alive are our senses, how heightened are our perceptions and emotions, how appreciative are we of the subtle details of life! This time of constant and complete discovery only happens briefly in our two years here, and the best way to describe the outlook I have during this time is to find every chance to aprovechar—to seek to discover, seize the moments, and take advantage of every opportunity to make the wondrous intricacies of life here a part of me.

That said—I am fulfilled, hopeful, and grateful. I am fulfilled in that I feel in every way that I am meant to be here in Nicaragua with JVI—I do not speak from naiveté or a superficial appreciation of the new and exotic, but from the perspective that because life is far from easy may be the reason why I cannot imagine any place that I would rather be. It was not a simple decision or process for me to find myself here, and life has only become more complicated, but for this complexity, I am fulfilled. I encounter moments on a daily basis that allow me to affirm and appreciate my being here, whether it be small conversations with members of my community, a stirring moment at mass, the joyous (and fleeting) times of being able to express myself accurately in Spanish, or a sense of belonging and rightness when I walk into work in the morning. As a result of this reassurance, not only am I fulfilled—I am hopeful. For the blessing it is to be able to wake up every morning with the ability to learn something new, I am hopeful. For having those in my life who care about me, allowing me to challenge myself to be a better person, I am hopeful. For the infinite possibility that lies in the next 22 months, for the many more opportunities to breathe deeply, run and skip, pray, play, laugh, hug, cry, and have my heart broken and put back together anew, I am hopeful. For all this and more, I am also grateful. I am grateful for the challenges and opportunities that come with each passing day, for all the ways my soul and mind have been stretched by not simply welcoming the unfamiliar, but by embracing it and allowing it to take hold. I am grateful for Amber, Jenna, Megan, Michael, and Patrick—their unique gifts and personalities, their openness to allow all of us to become a part of each of their lives, their willingness to allow themselves to be changed and grow as one, and their humble contributions to building a community of love, faith, courage and strength. I am grateful for the hot sun, cool breeze, and uneven sidewalks that keep me feeling alive, for the brilliant discoveries by my community mates of all the ways to cook meals on a small weekly budget, and the sacredness of joining with them at the dinner table every night.

There are countless moments and occasions to be appreciated. Most of all, though, I am simply grateful for the opportunity to love. Indeed, what an absolute and divine treasure it is.